Live Huge Links – 03.08.13
[Every Friday on the Life De-Constructed blog, I share a few favorite links from my virtual travels during the week. This is my way of giving love and a holla to the people who are living huge in their own lives…and transforming world.]
A Love Letter to Fear and Courage
I wish I could promise you that your fears will never come to light.
I wish I could promise that you are safe from discomfort, that your journey will be easy and fruitful, that your loved ones will support you every step of that way, that your choices will not hurt anyone and that you’ll experience the perfect level of success for you in each moment.
I really wish I could, sweet pea.
But this is life.
– Molly Mahar of Stratejoy
6 months. 1 fear. Are you ready to lean in?
You can overcome any fear, whatever it may be, but to do that you need to do two things:
1) Pick date that you must smash that fear by (so six months from you reading these words).
2) Find someone to hold you accountable to overcoming your fear by that date.
– Zack Shapiro via his blog
12 Questions to Keep You Focused on What’s Important in Life
A positive attitude allows us to forget, even for a while, the hardships that face us in many areas of our life. Those times of contentment and happiness are wonderful. We need to spend time with them so when times are harder, we can remember the strength they gave us. But to expect those times to last is not realistic.
Here is the ugly truth: We learn very little by being happy and content. We learn everything by being engaged with the realities of life, especially when it’s hard, confusing, and difficult.
– LaRae Quy of laraequy.com
As we practice innovating we are propelled up a personal learning curve — and we begin to accomplish our dreams. But implicit in daring to disrupt the status quo is daring to fail. As we learn by doing and do by learning something will eventually (and inevitably) not work. As former DARPA official Ken Gabriel said, “An important part of disruption is having the nerve to take on a really big failure.” At this critical juncture in the process of dreaming, we must decide how we will approach failure: Did I fail my way into a black hole? Or is failure a tool that will help me innovate more effectively?
– Whitney Johnson via The HBR Blog Network
10 Things You Must Give Up to Move Forward
If you want to fly and move on to better things, you have to give up the things that weigh you down – which is not always as obvious and easy as it sounds.
Live Huge Links – On Hiatus
[Every Friday on the Life De-Constructed blog, I share a few favorite links from my virtual travels during the week. This is my way of giving love and a holla to the people who are living huge in their own lives…and transforming world.]
A note from Kyleigh:
Hello my gorgeous & fabulous de-constructionists! I wanted to let you all know that I’m taking a hiatus from Live Huge Link posts for the next two Fridays, because I am in the midst of some hot & heavy transformational work on my business (if you’re curious about what I do other than write on the Life De-Constructed blog, pop over to The Live Huge Factor and check it out). But no worries, ‘cause I’ll be back on 03.08.13.
See you on the flip side!
Live Huge Links – 02.15.13
[Every Friday on the Life De-Constructed blog, I share a few favorite links from my virtual travels during the week. This is my way of giving love and a holla to the people who are living huge in their own lives…and transforming world.]
5 Ways to Stay Grounded in a Hectic World
It has never been so hard to stay grounded, with so many distractions, be materialistic, personal issues and negative talk, it is a struggle not to get caught up in day-to-day trivialities that force us to lose focus on our own lives and journey.
– Charlene Barry via Addicted2Success.com
It is the intent & desire of TSLR [The Self-Love Revolution] for women across the globe to know what it truly feels like to be radically, unapologetically in love with SELF.
– Andrea Owen of Your Kick Ass Life & Amy E. Smith a.k.a. The Joy Junkie
A relentlessly pragmatic approach to self-care
My business requires three pieces of equipment: a computer, an internet connection, and me. If either of the first two break down, I can find alternatives. So really, the only piece of irreplaceable business equipment I own is my brain.
Therefore, adequate maintenance is not optional. And self-care is maintenance of me.
– Catherine Caine of Cash & Joy
Leading life is a prerequisite of personal and professional growth. When we lead our lives, we set a vision and intentionally resolve to advance from a lower state to a higher state. We are not resigning to live life as it is.
– H. James Wilson via The HBR Blog Network
Reframing Fear: The Upside of Risk, Failure and Judgment
[This] GLP [Good Life Project] Jam Session is all about…fear. Fear of failure. And fear of judgment.
I’ve written a lot over the last few years about how to overcome or rather move through fear of failure and fear of judgment. This episode focuses on a single technique that can be hugely effective at putting fear in its right place. Transforming it from a source of pain and paralysis to a source of fuel and mobilization.
– Jonathan Fields of The Good Life Project
Live Huge Links – 02.08.13
[Every Friday on the Life De-Constructed blog, I share my favorite links from my virtual travels during the week. This is my way of giving love and a holla to the people who are living huge in their own lives…and transforming world.]
Think about what truly deserves your attention. Choose carefully.
– Chris Gullibeau @ The Art of Non-Conformity
Joy Someday vs. Joy Now
There are no obligations you must fulfill before experiencing incredible happiness in your work and life. You don’t need to become something first. You don’t need the house first, or the testimonial, or the right number on your bathroom scale.
The only thing you need is to say Yes, to yourself.
– Jonathan Mead @ Paid to Exist
Our common ground of suffering (and why not to be star struck)
When we compare our insides to someone else’s outsides, we’re concocting an illusion. That illusion inhibits our self-compassion, our creative power, and our connection with others.
– Danielle LaPorte @ daniellelaporte.com
Don’t Wait For Your Place In The World
I think you understand that it’s nobody else’s job to give you what you want. Nobody else can tell you who you are or what you should be doing with your insight, talents, hopes and gifts.
Nobody else can tell you why you’re extraordinary.
Nobody else can give you your place in the world.
– Steve Errey @ The Code of Extraordinary Change
Life is Delicious – Truth 2 Power (An Infographic)
And here’s the crazy truth: when you wake up & enjoy the imperfect life you already have, it makes it sooo much easier to create the life that you want. It really is that simple. It really can be … that delicious.
– Susan Hyatt @ shyatt.com
De-Construct This: All-or-Nothing Thinking
[Part of my mission here at Life De-Constructed is to break down the shit that gets in the way of living huge in our life. The “De-Construct This” posts are where I give insight and strategies for doing just that—usually inspired from the everyday, real-life happenings of yours truly.]
Confessions of a Perfectionist
One of the things I struggle with—on pretty-much a daily basis—is perfectionism. I try to hide it, and generally I don’t impose it on other people, but the fact is: I am a bona-fide, real-deal, capital-P Perfectionist.
You see, I fully recognize, embrace, and love to bask in the vibrant color that makes up this world (it’s actually Technicolor, not shades of gray by-the-way)—and yet my default programming often flips to the black and white channels. Especially when we are talking about the expectations I put on myself in the pursuit of goals, objectives, and life ambitions. For me, it turns into either all or nothing.
Merriam-Webster defines perfectionism as:
“a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially: the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable”
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
New exercise program? I’ll map it out for the coming weeks and months, write it on my calendar, and then when I miss a day…or 5…I beat myself up for not doing exactly what I planned. New plan for eating more healthfully? Same deal. If I don’t follow the program exactly, then for sure I have failed. Not completing my Big Rocks (i.e. the things on my priority list) for the day or week? Ad-libbing my budget for the month? Not getting up at 5:00 a.m. every day so I have extra time to write and meditate? Uh-huh. Check, check, and check.
I know to many of you this line of thinking sounds completely ridiculous—and, the thought of being able to be perfect at any of that stuff all the time IS absurd. I know this, and yet these are the headlines running on the thought-ticker in the mind of a perfectionist.
My new target: 60% of the time
In The Empire Strikes Back, Yoda famously says, “Do or do not. There is no try.” I wholeheartedly believe in this wisdom—because it’s true, you’re either doing something that you set out to do or you’re not. However, for a perfectionist, this is also a trapdoor leading right into black-and-white thinking. Here’s what is important to remember:
Nobody said “doing it” means all or nothing.
My brain likes to add the word perfectly to Yoda’s sentence: Do it perfectly or you’re not doing it at all. It tries to tell me that if I am doing something, then I am doing it 100% of the time, exactly how I am supposed to, and precisely according to plan—anything less is unacceptable or wrong.
This, of course, is a bunch of crap.
“Doing it” simply means you’re in intentional action toward your goal or objective, as opposed to still sitting there thinking about it, contemplating it, preparing for it, and planning the perfect execution. It’s keeping your eye on what you’re really trying to achieve while being fully aware of the choices you are making, or not making, to get you to where you want to be. Ultimately, “doing it” is achieving what you set out to do, but it is NOT having the expectation that the path to get there is pristine and unblemished.
Here’s a radical idea: Instead of shooting for 100% perfection in the journey and action steps to achieving an ambition, shoot for being flawless in your execution 60% of the time instead. That’s right, I said 60% of the time. Why 60%? Truthfully, the answer is a bit Goldilocks and the 3 Bears: 80-100% of the time is too much in the “perfection” zone; 75% is probably doable over time; 50% doesn’t feel like trying hard enough; and 60% feels right. To me, it’s a good representation of more than half and less than perfect.
Obviously, it’s not a magic or statistically significant number, and maybe your Goldilocks number is more like 51% or 78.2%. The point is to ensure you have plenty of space for being a flawed human being—one who encounters obstacles and has periodic run-ins with setbacks, lapses, and failures in the normal course of trying to achieve something that is important in your life.
Let me be clear, I’m not saying that aiming for 100% achievement of your goals is not something to strive for or want. I’m saying that putting so much pressure on yourself to be perfect at the execution can lead to paralysis—or giving up altogether. Rather than getting into action at all, you do nothing. And then you really ARE doing nothing.
By the way, I also encourage you to try this in other areas of your life, not just in the goal-setting context. I’ll bet you will amaze yourself with what opens up for you when you give yourself permission to allow imperfection to be a part of your life.
I’d love to know what you think. Leave your comments below.
Photo credit: Ivan McClellan
Life De-Constructed 